The Most Annoying People You Meet In College

Looks more like the cast of Real World than a group of college kids.

College is supposed to be a place where you meet interesting people. These are the most irritating ones.

The Drunk Who Needs Babysitting

"S-so, should we write on him, or..."

The drunk can be male or female, and they're usually rather mild-mannered when sober. They start drinking and behavior can range from belligerent, to friendly, to amusing, to horny - but ALWAYS sloppy. This person can actually be very entertaining at first - then they keep drinking.

A night out with the lush ends up with them crying/vomiting/crying AND vomiting, being carried back to the dorms while they tell you about the time their beloved dog died, and then passing out. This has happened to most of us at some point, but what makes this person unique is this always happens to them. You would think that vomiting everything you've ever eaten would turn you off towards the idea of drinking so much, but that would make TOO much sense. Especially since they have you to take care of them each time.

The Guy No One Likes

He probably looks something like this guy.

He commits party fouls without shame, like breaking the table or spilling beer on the rug. He has an asinine sense of humor, and always manages to offend someone with his off-color humor. He uses slang way too much and probably has barbwire tattoos. He is also frequently seen urinating in the bushes. Everything about his personality is repulsive. He brags about things that he may or may not have done in high school - hard to believe you were a quarterback legend if your arms have the consistency of tube socks filled with Jell-O pudding.

"Yeah, just let myself go a little. You know how it is, bro."

Despite this, you and your actual friends hang out with him - because he's rich. Either he's the guy with the car/money/alcohol/drugs and provides them willingly. This is the ONLY redeeming thing about him. Should you feel bad about using him? Of course not - the guy's a dick.

The Old Guy

"I started school late...YAKNOWHADDAMEAN?!?"

He definitely has a BEARD. Maybe KIDS. Possibly a MORTGAGE. Not to be confused with continuing education students, those who were in the military before college, etc. - this guy went straight to college right after he graduated high school.

...in 1996.

"Beverly Anne took that Colored boy Earl to the prom that year."

If it weren't for the bookbag and jorts, you could easily mistake this guy for a professor. He definitely isn't a graduate student, since he's in your PRE-CALCULUS CLASS - or he... used to be? Who knows - you haven't seen him IN class since the last week of September. He's more likely to be found lounging about in the student union, outside of the library, or some other place of social gathering, recalling the good old days before it was considered strange that he was chasing freshman girls. On one hand he's a creep, but since the juniors and seniors don't hang out with him, a type of mutualism occurs between he and the underclassmen - he gets you alcohol in exchange for having someone to hang out with/introduce him to more girls. ("Now, Giselle is over 18 FOR SURE, right?")

"Born in 93... how old is that? Old enough."

Condescending Smart Girl

ALWAYS a woman. She graduated from Albert Einstein's Consortium for Space Technology, Alchemy and Logarithms with a 6.7 GPA, which doesn't even make sense to you because the highest you could possibly attain at YOUR slovenly public school was a 4.0. Pfft, dumbass.





She knows EVERYTHING.

"What? MEROZOITES reside in the liver, TROPHOZOITES reside in red blood cells. Moron."

She makes this clear because she's in all of your hard classes. She talks to the professor WAY too much during these classes. What makes her most annoying though, is that without fail, after every exam she asks to compare answers with you. EVERY TIME. The session usually goes something like this -

Girl: That test was CRAZY, wasn't it?

You: Yeah, seriously.

Girl: I wasn't sure of a lot of the answers - what did you get for 3?

You: Uh, I wasn't sure, but I marked D.

Girl: D? No, that's definitely not it. The answer was C.


You: Oh.


Girl: Yeah, the factorial of the vermiform appendix causes an inflation cardioid parabola, not biochemical metabolysis - you don't remember from class?

You: Uh...what?


She then proceeds to rip any answer you have, making you wonder why she would bother asking YOU of all people to compare answers in the first place. This was only done to boost her self-esteem, so she could go into the weekend feeling great and you go into the weekend feeling like it's time to switch majors.



I know I'm missing a few - who are the most annoying people from YOUR college experience? I may do a part 2 to this in the near future.

UM/FSU Second Half

I definitely missed time-stamping most of this quarter, trying to format the other entry.

Wait, by most I mean like 3 minutes.

FSU

Kickoff, big time return by FSU, made even worse by unnecessary roughness call on UM. Excellent field position.

More of the same from the first half. Ponder looking impressive, UM not able to get pressure on him. He threads the needle well, putting FSU into scoring position. A Pass interference call really affects the UM Defense morale. They attempt to rebuild after sacking The drive ends with a QB keeper, run in for a touchdown.

Nice PAT, dickhead. This miss may come back to haunt FSU. UM-14, FSU-16

UM

12:01, big throw and catch by Harris to Aldarius Johnson. He looks badly injured, looks as though he's grabbing his groin. Yeesh.

11:30, reverse to Travis Benjamin, nothing doing. The crowd is getting into it, 3 and out.

FSU

A bunch of things I didn't bother to pay attention to. FSU is running the ball better, and UM's duo is doing worse. Harris throws a pick. FSU ball, converts a big 3rd down. It's becoming obvious that UM is losing energy.

Definitely a highlight; Taiwan Easterling raises hell to get to the End-Zone. UM-14, FSU-23.

UM

OK, UM needs to make moves, and fast; they're down by 9 facing an energized FSU and an even more energized crowd. Kick off returned by Graig Cooper. His return isn't exactly the answer for a TD, but its damn close. UM drive starts in enemy territory.

Big pass to TE Epps, goes all the way down to the 2. We HAVE to get a touchdown here, right?

...the f*ck. Field goal good, UM-17, FSU-23.

FSU

FSU answers with a big time return of their own, UM's looking like a high school team on special teams. FSU slowly moves the ball toward the end-zone, and the drive ends with a fumble. FINALLY, some real pressure on Ponder occurs, he gets stripped. Miami Ball. Big pass, Harris to Benjamin. UM's running game is getting stuffed (AYO).

Snakes: Did you see the naked Erin Andrews video? ...its poor quality, but good enough to tell that she looks good naked.

Harris with one of the more questionable throws he's made this game. Fading away, under pressure, he bombs the ball out for a throw that only Madden 2004 era Michael Vick could have completed. Somehow it leads to a pass interference call on FSU, ball on the 5 yard line. BS call? Maybe. But I'm not complaining.

Run by Graig Cooper, 13 yards. People think it's a TD. He's clearly out, but they still replay it a thousand times. Ball on roughly the 2.

Whatever. Touchdown on the QB sneak. UM-24, FSU-23.

FSU

I have yet to see anything that will determine the winner. A lot of back and forth.
Kick return gets muffed, UM almost got lucky.

FSU receiver with butterfingers, ruins what would have been a huge play for FSU.
Horrible throw by Ponder, lands at the feet of his target. 3 and out, and even worse, wasted a matter of seconds off of the clock. Time is an enemy of a team with only 1 TO left.

In UM's drive, Harris gets hit while throwing, popping the ball into the air for a Pick 6 by FSU. They convert the 2 point conversion to make up for a missed PAT earlier. UM-24, FSU-31.

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Speculation as to who will be the QB for the next drive. Hightop, or Hightower - whoever he is, he's warming up. End of 3rd Quarter.
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UM

Cooper again on the Kickoff return, gets 20 or so yards. Any one else it would be considered a good return, but based on what Cooper's done tonight, its kind of a disappointment. No matter, flag on the play, kickoff done again.

Same result.

FSU defense is stepping up, the crowd is really behind their team. Bad news.

NICE PLAY by Hankerson, keeps the drive alive with the extra effort and some help from the FSU secondary who pushes him across the line.

FSU is looking for the run EVERY first down. A first down play action would take FSU off guard.

AN INSANE, Joe Montana-esque highlight reel play to elude the sack and find Benjamin alone in the middle of the field. UM is looking as solid as they have all night, considering that at the start of the drive no one was sure that Harris would be in.

FSU is reeling now, they're blitzing to no avail. Jacory is keeping his head, which has always been the key to this game. FSU TO with 7:21 left. But let's not get ahead of ourselves; FSU is still ahead by 7.

Eh, forget I said anything. Touchdown pass to Cooper, tie ball game. UM-31, FSU-31

Natty Light commercial? The f*ck?

Snakes: They neglected to mention that their beer is terrible.


FSU

Huge run that even caught ME by surprise. Big yardage.

Ok, that one didn't catch anyone by surprise. Except UM, apparently. Another 2 runs gets a first.

Miami clamps down, and gets help from FSU in the form of a slip by Thomas and a dropped pass deep. FG good, UM-31, FSU-34

UM

Ok, crunch time. 4:15 left. Harris shouldn't feel pressured to air it out, UM's still feeling good after their last drive.

Why the hell do officials do that? they bring out the chains, and pull it so you think it might be a first, and set it down. THEN they actually pull it all the way out (nh) and its nowhere close. Just do that in the first place.

The most beautiful throw/catch I've seen tonight. Period. Including the other games from today, which I haven't seen but f*ck it. Marve wouldn't have pulled that off.

Review on the play. Rut-Roh.

Call on the field is confirmed. That would have been a huge turnaround.

Nice run by Cooper. Player of the Game, period

FSU

Kickoff... a SQUIB?!? Are you kidding? A squib is useful if there's like 10 seconds left, not 1:50. This will come back to bite us in the ass. I know it. Special Teams coach, you're f*cking fired.

Sure enough, Ponder is working the sidelines, getting gains and using little clock. Come on D.

Gotdamnit. Long run by Ponder. Makes everyone question that squib kick even more.

This are horrible. That is not a typo, this game is making me speak Engrish. FSU is in perfect scoring position.

A screwy bailout pass interference call against UM. The powers that be at ESPN and NCAA organized this call to make things 'interesting', there's no other explanation. You can tell because they never even showed the WR in the replay, just Ponder getting hit. A great camera shot of Randy Shannon, where it looks he has the 1000-yard stare. Either that or he's 2 seconds from murdering someone.

The blood pressure of every good-hearted Hurricane fan is building. Time almost stops as Ponder wonders around in the back field. UM's defense is doing an excellent job of containing; he's definitely not afraid to run.

Two very good defensive plays, including one that probably could have been called PI on UM.


5 seconds on the clock. 2 yards. 1 play. 2 girls, 1 cup. One mic.

OMGOMGOMGOMG
Ponder is running...you fools. He has to be.

N-SANE. Thats ridiculous. A perfect throw to the endzone, seemingly crushing the hopes of the Canes. Ruled incomplete. Upon further inspection, the ball indeed bounces along the ground before being reeled in. GAME OVER, CANES WIN in an absolutely classic game.

Hercules: My sister was like "wow I love college football now"
Snakes: If I see one more status that says, It's Great to be a Miami Hurricane, I'm Ron Browz-ing.

Probably the best college game I've ever seen. Definitely top 5. I could only imagine what it was like to actually be in Tallahassee. Harris is the future, and already looks like the best QB UM has had in years. He kept his cool all game, despite hurting his arm, and questionable coaching decisions (esp. the squib). Great game, what a way to open the season. I'm looking forward to what else they have in store. Final score : UM-38, FSU-34

UM/FSU First Half

Pre-game: Kenny chesney? The f*ck?

UM

Jacory harris first pass, a small dump to javarris james, turned into big yardage.

I really hope they use the speed of Graig Cooper and Javarris James like they did in this play, instead of trying to air it out

Second play. Of course they don’t listen to me. Harris throws a pass that only Kareem Abdul Jabbar could have caught, 15-20 yards downfield. Incomplete

4^th and 1. going for it. Tallahassee crowd is ruthless, and exceedingly loud. Of course there are plenty of UM fans sabotaging their team by screaming like idiots. Either way, UM takes a time out.

Still 4^th and 1. just as loud as last time, gives Javarris an iso up the middle for about 3 yards. 1^st down

Harris picked a good play. Saw the mismatch and took advantage. I’m not a true believer though, there was no pressure at all, and about 10 yards of space between Benjamin and the nickel corner. No shots but I don’t want him throwing too many of those this game. Travis Benjamin burns the safety. Didn’t they learn anything in this game last year? Benjamin had nearly 300 yds of all purpose yards. UM-7, FSU-0

FSU

Ponder is playing like Harris; don’t do too much, just manage the game, count on good plays from your receivers, and bad tackles from the defense to move the ball. So far so good.

This drive looks eerily similar to what we just saw. Just remember to keep the offense in front of you, Canes.

Big tackle behind the line to suck (nh) some of the energy out of the stadium. Good Job Wesley.

Once again, another questionable decision to not slide ever, ponder. These tackles look poorly formed, could spell trouble if we don't wrap up.

3^rd and 23 converted easily by FSU…the f*ck. Don’t ask. Ponder had no pressure, finds the hole in the Cover 2. Followed by a badly covered fade to the TE, TD FSU. UM-7, FSU-7

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Sidebar: it’s becoming evident that this is gonna be a barn burner. And no American gives a f*ck about the US open. Its counterintuitive because its IN the US, but come on. Roddick was our last hope of a quality tennis player.

Alright, now that both sides are warmed up hopefully we'll see some defense

Andre Johnson has no personality and it shows in this commercial. Somehow its still funny.

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UM

3 and out. But not before Harris throws another alley-oop type past. Oh shi- wait the receivers are only 6’3? Damn no

wonder it didn’t work. Harris needs to settle down

FSU

3 and out for FSU as well. Ponder has a Death Wish (no Charles Bronson), the way he’s scrambling.

UM

Javarris James is again doing more than his share for the Offense

Graig Cooper Gets stopped behind the line, what a way for FSU to end the 1st quarter. The energy must be crazy. A nice contrast to this (what I’m assuming is) local commercial about capitalizing on foreclosed homes.

I like the way Harris is managing this game. Hopefully he doesn’t try and do too much, or try to go toe to toe with Ponder, either through passing or scrambling, esp. since I’m sure Ponder is gonna end up hurting himself.

What did I just say? He takes forever to see that there’s no one open, then scrambles toward the middle of the field. Takes a nice shot to the groin (none), and to add insult to what could have been an injury, a holding call.

2^nd and 11. once again harris burns like 20 seconds looking for nothing. Scrambles for like 5 yards. 3^rd down.

Damn, a sack. Miami needs to keep the RBs in the game, heavy. They’re the most dangerous players on the team.

FSU

Ponder’s life flashes before his eyes; Steven Wesley is on him like white on rice, throws ball away.

Miami’s secondary looks more pathetic than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.

Good plays by the guys in the box. Way to stay on the option, Big loss. Another drive which starts with potential, leads to a punt.

UM

3^rd and 16: Hankerson pulls down a huge 40 + yard catch.

since when dose PA work 2x in a row. I haven’t successfully done that since Madden 04 on pro-mode.

Two excellent passes, followed by two that nearly got picked. Including one to Jimmy Graham, shouts to the Basketball team.

Miami’s secondary is giving it up easier than Joan Collins.

We’re out of timeouts.

FSU is working Miami’s defense like a part time job. Alright I’m done with the metaphors…for this half.

Oliver Vernon hurt after an FSU rushing first down.

Ponder’s getting into a groove. And its translating to his teammates and the crowd. This isn’t good for UM. Drive leads to a FG. UM-14, FSU-10

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Hercules: I have not seen this many Canes drop since the Kappa show.

The announcers compare the opening 6 games for UM to “Murderer’s Row.” That’s promising.

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UM 2:00 drill.. can Harris deliver?

Jacory Harris is looking more comfortable than Joan Collins on her back. Alright I’m done with metaphors. Involving Joan Collins. For now.

Wow, a running play to James. we haven’t seen too man y running plays as of late. You’d think Shannon forgot about them completely

The clock is not your friend. Go to the sidelines. Sheesh

Nice throw to Aldarius…wait, that’s seriously his name?

James again with a nice run, TD

Haha, my boy Cordaro in the University of Miami promo commercial.

The announcers question the pooch kick, which leaves FSU at the 40, with 40 seconds to go and a red-hot QB. I agree.

FSU

Hell of a throw, even though it may not have been kept in bounds. Of course, no way to get a second look, UM doesn’t have time outs.

A pick ends the drive, after Brad Nessler points out that no one has made a mistake. He must have ESP.

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And the half. Maybe the 2^nd half I’ll remember to put time stamps…whoops.

Hollywood MILFs

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Maintenance and Changes to the Site

I'm gonna keep this one short, but basically I've been thinking a lot about the direction of this blog. I originally did the whole "Robot" thing to sort of take my own biases out of the equation when I write (even use of the word "I" was pretty sparse at first). And though that has worked pretty well in my humble opinion, I'm starting to feel like it is limiting me in what I can and can't write. This has something to do with the lessened number of posts since I first started, which was July? August? Since I started this thing, I've had maybe 10 or 12 ideas for posts, that after a paragraph or two in just didn't feel right to me. I would try and wait for the writer's block to pass, and pretty soon the story itself was yesterday's news and not worth publishing. Even now, there are maybe two posts I have that I wasn't able to publish as is. My new direction is for me to write what I feel should be published, not trying to conform to any particular alias. Robot or otherwise. But I was supposed to keep this short. New alias, new layout, new address, new topics.

In less than ten words: the-redefinition.blogspot.com coming soon.

The Progressive Spider-Man?

I know I'm pretty late, as this was an inauguration issue of the Amazing Spider-Man!¹ but it came back to mind after seeing this via Twitter via Questlove via Toure via some guy's comic book blog. It's one of many attempts by various comic book series to ironically throw race relations in the face of a comic book demographic that typically has "relations" rarely, if at all. The particular issue of Superman in the link, for those of you who don't want to bother reading it, basically revolves around Lois Lane becoming a (way hotter) Black version of herself in order to do an assignment in the "Little Africa" section of Metropolis. Of course, in typical comic book style, this can only be done using a machine(the Plastimold) that has virtually no utility outside of this particular story ^2,3. One flip of the transformoflux pack (what?) and Lois Lane gets blown off by a taxi, stared at on the subway and shot at by gangsters in no time; the everyday Little Africa (read: Black) experience.
This type of (albeit corny) socially aware comic is not that rare. There have been other times in which topical issues were woven into comic book storylines. This was most common in the Silver Age, which not surprisingly occurred during the bulk of the Civil Rights movement in the United States. When my grandfather went to the hospital to stay shortly before he died (I was six or seven when he left), he gave me a dozen or so comic books, some older than others, dating back to the 70s. A few of them were Green Lantern comics, some with John Stewart, the native of fictional South Nambia. This particular issue not so subtly puts South Africa on frontstreet about Apartheid and racial injustices in the country. I believe I remember one frame in which a guy gets whipped, which I thought was bizarre, since by first grade a rather mild depiction of slavery was the only experience I had with such a scene. This comic, combined with the A, B, and C encyclopedia "collection" we had, I was soon the youngest kid in the neighborhood that knew the politics of South African Apartheid (Thanks, Green Lantern!)

At any rate, I think that it's pretty cool that guys like Denny O'Neill and whoever wrote that Green Lantern issue would incorporate whatever racial issue of the day into a media with a fanbase who could probably give a f*ck less about Apartheid or what it's like to blow out an afro. Even if it is out of some cheesy attempt to appeal to Black people (doubtful), they still deserve props, in my opinion, for stepping out of the box when it wasn't popular, unlike Stan Lee and the minds at Marvel, who had waited until Obama took office to try and capitalize on a first Black president. Not to mention the obvious "Terrorist Fist-Jab" thrown in.

1. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I feel like Peter Parker would be way too goofy to effectively "pound it".

2. Apparently this is an issue of "Lois Lane", which was basically a noncanonical offshoot of the actual Superman series exclusively about the exploits of Lois Lane (cooking, cleaning, reporting). Which explains how this ridiculous machine was introduced several issues back.

3. Doesn't the Plastimold remind you of the machine they used in Interstella 5555 (made popular by Daft Punk in "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger")? It must have been the prototype.



currently listening to:










"Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger"
by Daft Punk
Discovery

Real Hip Hop?

The question (which technically isn't a question since it's not a sentence) is almost inescapable now. Personally I'm tired of hearing it, but I know that it isn't going away. This probably isn't a stance that you would expect from me, but I think people are taking it TOO seriously. In fact I think people are deluding themselves into thinking they like particular artists so they can be seen as eclectic or what have you, when in actuality they're becoming more close-minded by only listening to your Asher Roths or Charles Hamiltons. Not that I don't have anything against them (actually I don't like what I've heard from either that much, so guess I retract that last statement.) The point is that way too many people feel like conscious rap is the only thing worth listening to. But they fail to see that rap is more then the lyrics, or the music, or the sum of the two. Not that conscious rap always has great lyricists; and with everyone trying to be different, they're really being more of the same.

I like UGK (RIP Pimp C). Always have, always will.

I like Outkast. Even though they didn't achieve star status until Speakerboxx/The Love Below, I stay nodding my head to Aquemini, which was much more loyal to their Southern roots.

Hell, I even like listening to Young Jeezy and Gucci Mane from time to time.

But I don't like the fact that people write off Southern rap as if it's second tier. To be honest, a lot of artists aren't talking about anything, even some of your favorite "Alt-Rap" purveyors. Kid Cudi isn't exactly spitting gems in "Day and Night", but people are so wrapped up in being "different" that he's somehow supposed to be the next big thing. I might sound like I'm hating, but I like to think I'm firing off on behalf of the South. Lil' Wayne catches a lot of flack, even though he's currently running the game. I've said as much as anyone that my problem with Wayne is that he's pretty inconsistent, and frequently does better guest verses than he does on his own albums.

Essentially my problem with this new wave of artists is that they are receiving more credit than they are due, in my opinion. One thing that my favorite generation of rappers all have in common is that they were grinding for a long time before they became famous. From Jay-Z to Scarface to Master P, to any number of artists that made their name known in the 90s, they ALL had to pay their dues. Whether you like them or not, these guys worked very hard for whatever success they ended up getting. The presence of the internet now lets anyone post any sort of content however they want for everyone to see... er, not that there's anything wrong with THAT (looks around nervously). My point being, its hard for me to take anyone seriously who doesn't seem to take their own craft seriously. So when I hear of Kid Cudi entering retirement, it makes me just shake my head, don the earphones, and transport myself to the time when artists made music like it was their way of life, not just their way to fame.

currently listening to:

"Music For Life"
by Hi-Tek featuring J. Dilla, Nas, Common, and Busta Rhymes
Hi-Teknology²: The Chip