Hail to the Chimp?

I'm sure there aren't many of you (if anyone reads this anymore) who haven't heard about this latest hiccup from the New York Post. The comic, created by Post cartoonist Sean Delonas, was published yesterday, and according the editor-in-chief Col Allan, was intended to parody both the chimpanzee killed in Connecticut and the fiscal stimulus bill. He says, quote;

“The cartoon is a clear parody of a current news event, to wit the shooting of a violent chimpanzee in Connecticut. It broadly mocks Washington’s efforts to revive the economy. Again, Al Sharpton reveals himself as nothing more than a publicity opportunist."

First off, it bothers me when people say "clear" in this way, I find it condescending. It's a one-scene cartoon, with one line of dialogue, so there is very little that is "clear" about it. When something is as ambiguous as this, it is open to interpretation, as are many satirical cartoons. It isn't as clear as 2 + 2 = 4, it's art, and as art goes, everyone has their own interpretation of it. Picasso's "Guernica" will mean one thing to me, and something else to the next person. Col Allan would have to have made an extreme oversight to not predict this kind of backlash from a drawing, given A) Obama being heavily associated with the bill, B) The comparison of Black people to monkeys and/or apes as a racist insult, and C) The tense relationship between NYPD (who is also offended) and the Black population of New York City. I mean, seriously, I find it hard to believe that Allan didn't consider any of these things at all when making a final decision. In my opinion, they wanted to be as edgy as they could, possibly competing with the terrorist fist jab cartoon the New Yorker had a while back.

What do I think? At first I immediately saw the racial subtext; partially because the first time I saw the drawing Al Sharpton had already said what he had to say. Looking at it again, to me it's more about how "stupid" the stimulus bill was (saying it could have been written by a chimp). After all, Obama signed the bill, it was written by Nancy Pelosi. Allan is right for calling Sharpton out as an opportunist; however he brought it on himself, by not foreseeing any of these things. If you don't like Al Sharpton jumping at any and every chance at publicity, don't have a potentially racist cartoon published in your newspaper. As I mentioned before, a cartoon like this is open to interpretation, and the Col Allan/Sean Delonas tandem gave Sharpton and his loyalists more than enough room to interpret it as racist. Part of an editor's job is to ensure that whatever message the paper as a whole gets translated properly, and if the New York Post's sales suffer as a result of it he only has himself to blame.

The Chrihanna Crisis

I initially wanted to resist posting about this topic until more facts were made available, but it turns out that the lack of concrete information is the reason I'm writing this. I knew something was amiss when I was watching the Grammys... I didn't watch the entire thing, but I did see that TI didn't perform "Live Your Life", which is probably the biggest hit from Paper Trail. At any rate, after some digging I found out all about the arrest of Chris Brown, etc. on Sunday night. Today, I'm reading more, and found out that Chris Brown's music is being pulled from radio stations, notably 103.9FM in southern Florida. I think that it's a little unfair, and very hypocritical, for radio stations to pull Chris Brown's music from the radio four days after whatever transpired between he and Rihanna. After all, R. Kelly enjoyed probably the most successful part of his career while facing accusations that he had sex with an 8th grader, urinated on her, and filmed the whole thing. I remember everyone discussing that tape (it was definitely him on the tape) in my Technology Foundations class in 2002. So, people want Chris Brown's music pulled a few days later, but R. Kelly made more money than ever while facing child molestation charges.* A double standard, if you ask me. Halle Berry is deaf in one ear, due to the abuse she faced at the hands of one of her ex-boyfriends. She didn't explicitly state who it was, but it is widely believed that Wesley Snipes is the one responsible. Even after she made this revelation, he didn't exactly have a shortage of work (his tax evasion did that). Jason Kidd, the All-Star point guard, was arrested for domestic abuse after he attacked his wife, and he's WAY bigger than Chris Brown. People weren't exactly outraged at that either; he was still selected to represent the US in international play the following year. I think people just requested that their radio stations take the same route as Wrigley's, and cut him off. Just one thing; Wrigley's has a reputation to uphold, radio does not. It's hard to imagine listening to a rap station and hearing a song, on which no one involved has been arrested for serious criminal activity, from drug charges to assault and murder. Check this video out of Gucci Mane...now he's not exactly seen in a positive light for other reasons, but why shouldn't he be held to the same standard as Chris Brown? For those of you who have seen the video and think, "Well she kind of deserved it; she shouldn't have thrown the glass at him," who is to say that a similar situation didn't happen between Chris and Rihanna? Rick James kidnapped and tortured women on two different occasions, but while he was in prison he still released a greatest hits album, and even now he gets quoted well after that skit was played out. I just feel that, whoever is passing judgment, should probably take a second look at all the facts before lumping Chris Brown into the same group as Drew Peterson.

*For more information about the R. Kelly case, hit the archives for "R. Kelly Speaks" from September.

Etta James vs. Beyonce

With the abundance of nonsensical beefs in music brought to you by your favorite hip hop blogs, you've probably thought you've seen it all. (The alleged Ne-Yo vs. Chris Brown was the worst of the worst). This one has to top them all, as I've yet to see a beef between a blues singer, a contemporary artist, and a politician. Seemingly for no reason at all, Jamesetta Dawkins called out both Beyonce AND President Obama for the former's performance of "At Last" at the Inauguration Ball. She went on the tirade during her concert in Seattle, which is linked here. The audio is kind of low, but if you can't hear she says, "You guys know your president, right? The one with the big ears? He ain't my president." She then goes on to threaten Beyonce; "...that woman he had singing for him, singing my song, she gonna get her ass whipped...I can't stand Beyonce, she had no business up there...singing a song that I've been singing forever."

A few issues I have with this... I'm not sure why Obama was dragged into this; I know it was his idea, but I think you need a better reason than that to defect from the Union. I know the main reason for this is that she was offended that she wasn't asked to perform "her" song, but this crosses the line into the realm of absurdity. It almost seems like one of the (many) last ditch efforts by a rapper with a dying career to get back into the limelight, by throwing shots at whoever is currently on top, especially since only a few months ago Etta James was in love with Beyonce even before her role in the film Cadillac Records. Last but not least, the song isn't even hers... I could understand someone feeling so strongly about something that they created, but the song was actually written in the 1940s for a movie called Orchestra Wives, performed by The Glenn Miller Orchestra, and sung by Ray Eberle and Patricia Friday. One might argue that Etta James is the one who popularized it, however Miller's version reached a higher position on the Billboard Pop Charts than Etta's.

All that being said she does have some legitimate points, namely that Beyonce had no business being up there singing that song. Although that particular statement is rather harsh, I agree that just because you play Etta James in a movie means doesn't necessarily mean that you can just perform "At Last" all willy-nilly. I can see how she would be insulted. For the sake of this statement, imagine that Ray Charles were still alive, but Jamie Foxx received top billing to perform "Georgia on My Mind," keeping in mind that Charles didn't write/perform THAT song first, either. The real issue here, however, has less to do with respect and more to do with James's fear of being forgotten. To a diva like herself, I assume it feels like a slap in the face for someone else to perform her song while she's still alive and able to sing well. Personally, I think it would have been hot if they performed together; maybe Beyonce sings the first verse, then Etta James comes out of nowhere to sing the second. It would have been just as good, and everyone would (presumably) be happy; it's just unfortunate that she lashed out this way at someone who actually idolizes her. I wish Etta James would have realized that there are much, MUCH worse people who could have been performing the song; Beyonce is one of the few contemporary artists that can do it justice. And at the end of the day, just be happy it didn't get sampled by Hurricane Chris...yet.

New Year, New Font

So get used to it. The Robot is back.

To say I've been slacking off as of the last few months is an understatement. To make a long story short, I became sort of caught up in what I thought this blog should or shouldn't be. I really didn't want to write about the same stuff everyone would inevitably write about (Election, etc.). At the same time, I didn't want to write about music either, because lately its ranged from terrible to downright sacrilegious. Studying for the GRE/going to school didn't help the cause, either. But whatever.

This year I'm coming with a new look (not really, I believe I changed it back in December), a new alias, and more importantly, new blogs. So prepare yourselves.

*Disclaimer - I realize that this movie poster is largely irrelevant to this or any post, but the title of the movie felt right so I used it anyway. Besides, who could pass up such an obvious B-movie for a picture? I couldn't.

A Message to All Rappers and Fans of Rap Music

I first heard cats talking about the "commercialization of hip-hop" well over a decade ago (damn I'm old), and I thought that phrase was only its increased popularity. "But, isn't that a good thing?" I often thought to myself. I mean, what could be wrong with people making a living from rap? And, when thought of in that respect, it is a very good thing. People no longer just do it as a hobby; you can actually make a living off of something you love. Granted, that movement was well before my time, probably circa the mid 80s when the Run-DMC's and KRS-One's were making their names known in the mainstream media. But if history has taught us anything, it's that the hard labor of older generations bears rewards that eventually are seen as privileges, and ultimately as rights. It bothers me a lot that KRS-One spent several years sleeping on park benches before he "blew up" (used loosely because I bet most people couldn't name more than three songs by him), while Soulja Boy Tell 'Em got a Grammy nomination for Crank Dat in 2007. Sigh.

I just feel like rappers now just follow fads, and have their entire styles cookie-cut from whatever most recently is in style. Take the whole "New Cool" movement, for example. I feel like this came from Lupe Fiasco, for the most part, and then suddenly sprung up a whole lot of rappers who wore hipster clothes, had alternative tastes in music (not really alternative anymore), and were very different from what you're used to. The quintessential "rebel without a cause, but if they DID have a cause it would be 'to be a rebel without a cause.'" Not that I have a problem with that, because I appreciate that Lupe does it. However, this isn't all he's about; he's still an excellent lyricist, which is what rap is supposed to be about in the first place right? Even worse, with absolutely no reason for it, these rappers exude this douchebag sense of entitlement, like "I'm too cool for rap but I'm gonna do it anyway"(I'm not calling it cockiness, because that implies that you're not doing it on purpose, and for some reason people like to be arrogant pricks). There are lots of other fads that are exploited ad nauseum, like every rapper's claim they don't write down lyrics. Oh really? Biggie was the first person I heard that did it, which is why he didn't have 40 singles come out after his death; then there was Jay-Z, then there was Lil' Wayne, T.I., Ne-Yo, Rhianna, Yellowcard, Paul McCartney, and so on. First off, I'm not really that impressed by people who don't write down lyrics; I mean they have to have a great memory, but who's to say that you don't spend as much, if not more time thinking them up as someone who cares to write them down? And it's not nearly the same as freestyling, which shows your dexterity and ability to think on your feet. I mean, if I write a song in a half-hour, and you spend two days trying to create lyrics without writing them down, and my verses are better, I'm still a better rapper. Which is why Eminem (in his prime) ranks in my top 5, but Jeezy doesn't. Budden says, "The more rappers said they didn't write down lyrics, the more it started to sound like they didn't." Do your listeners a favor, and write down your lyrics, just every once in a while. You may actually create a verse that gives you a reason to call yourself the best rapper alive.

The worst fad of all, in my opinion, is "Swag," since it extended well outside of the realm of just music, and now everyone adopted it. (see: pink tees, and throwback jerseys) Everyone claims to have it, no one has swag like them, etc. etc. Even now, check your friend list: I'm sure at least 10% of your friends talk about swag somewhere in their profile or status. "Da sWagG iZ ofFicIaL" or some sh*t like that (Damn that was painful to write). Everyone talks about they have it, and strangely enough they look and act like everyone else who also has it. Like, you can't claim to have swagger because you dress like Jim Jones. First of all, this picture makes him look like a bum that jacked a Louis scarf from an old lady, and attempting to be like that, or any other famous person you see isn't swagger at all. The word used to refer to confidence in style. Now it's like the opposite, something you have to say about yourself 40,000 times for people to give to you. It's gotten so bad, I feel like Jay-Z, someone who arguably popularized it, is using it more so he can stay relevant, based off of "Jockin' Jay-Z" and the two versions of "Swagger Like Us" he'll be on. And as far as rap itself goes, it just seems to be an excuse for an ass rapper to be an ass rapper, because you don't like them for their lyrics, you like them for their swag. I don't know about you, but I'm not about to pay 17 bucks for someone's swag; I can't listen to swag on an Mp3 player. So I'm officially calling for the retirement of "swagger" and all things related, including the Old Spice deodorant. While I'm at it, I also call for the retirement of Auto-Tune, because that sh*t's just terrible.

The Boy From Big Business is Back or: The Winter of my Discontent

After taking off the whole of October for no reason at all, Ask-a-Robot is back to its regularly scheduled programming, keeping in mind that there is no schedule. Anyhow, I would be remiss if I didn't recap the last few weeks, as eventful as they were. Let's see if I can keep this under 40 words: 5 Weeks of Review!*

Bailout.
Bobby McFerrin becomes 10000th artist to remix SLU.
Political master debators have at it a few times.
Sarah Palin on SNL.
Phillies win World Series.
NBA season!
Halloween.
Obama wins election, Ciroc Obama can stfu (finally)
Michael Crichton died.

Damnit. I was so close.
Now that I've gotten that out the way, regular blogging can take place.

This may very well be the winter of my discontent. Over the last few weeks I've heard a few more singles from Kanye's upcoming 808's and Heartbreak, including "Heartless" (my favorite track so far). The others I've heard, "Robocop" and "Coldest Winter"...eh. Then again, my ears are probably jaded since everyone else has already used the Auto-tune thing on guest verses, and he's used it on a couple guest appearances himself. So the idea of an album full of Love Lockdowns doesn't appeal to me. In the least. So, next.
Another highly anticipated (I use the term loosely) album is 50 Cent's Before I Self Destruct. I've only heard the one track "Get Up," which seems to be another one of his uncanny "I go hard" type club songs. And while it gets the job done in that respect, it's still a far shot from "I Get Money", one of few redeeming tracks from Curtis's Curtis, and that speaks volumes. Maybe I liked him more because I wasn't hearing his name/seeing his face all the damn time, which apparently won't change anytime soon. Next.
Jay-Z, in a very Brett Favre fashion, is releasing another album this winter, Blueprint 3. Hip Hop's Iron Man is supposedly releasing his 11th studio album sometime in early December. The nickname is fairly accurate, as they are both known for their proclivity for "touchdowns", number of interceptions, and seeming inability to gracefully retire. Don't get me wrong; "History" is pretty raw, but he only had the 2nd hardest verse on SLU by default. Even worse, I feel like Jockin' Jay-Z is only popular because of the beat, something that's supposed to happen to Lil Boosie or Hurricane Chris. If you find yourself saying that about someone who's supposed to be one of the GOATS, that doesn't bode well for the next LP.

But there is hope, albeit not in album form; Notorious is supposed to hit theaters January 16th. From what I've seen in trailers and what not, it looks like it'll be worth seeing in theaters. I've never seen the cat who's playing Biggie before, but although he doesn't look like him, he does a damn good impersonation. Derek Luke plays Puff Daddy, and seems like he fits the part well. The movie also incorporates Pac, Faith, and Lil' Kim in what should all be interesting supporting roles. Even if it's terrible, it will be worth it to see Derek Luke pull off some of these dance moves. I'm back, bitches.

*5 Weeks of Review contains events that may/may not have actually happened, like Halloween.

Television is Dead.

The question is, whodunit? And why?

To backtrack, I came up with the question while taking some survey. The questionnaire asked "How many hours a week do you spend watching television?" and gave a list of answers, like "15 to 20 hours", et cetera. At any rate, my answer was well short of that; as of the fall, with the NFL season in full swing, I watch a game or two on sunday, and that's pretty much it, so my answer was 6 to 8 hours. That may not sound like much, but this is arguably the time of year that I watch the most... I'm into football the most out of all sports, as you don't have to search around for the games, and you don't have to have cable to get them; (for the most part) you can just turn to Fox every Sunday afternoon, order some food, and the next seven or so hours of your life are set. Good times.

But when it comes to any other time of the year, I normally don't even bother. I'll watch the sunday afternoon basketball game on NBC in the winter and early spring, but that will be it. Baseball season is even worse, I get my fill of baseball in an hour of SportCenter a week. I'll also throw in the occasional episode of Family Guy every now and then. In the past (years ago) I would have been keeping up to date with music via MTV or BET, but those networks don't even show music videos; 106 and Park doesn't count, as I just...refuse to watch it anymore. I'm not one of those "I'm too busy to watch TV" type of people (or else I probably wouldn't do this blog), or the "I'm too cool for normal entertainment" type either. In fact, I get plenty of entertainment, whether it's watching the news, a music video, an episode of The Office, a trailer for a movie to come out, or celebrity breakdown caught on tape. Only I do it through the Internet, free of commercial breaks* and home to all the porn I could ever need.

So I suppose that answers the first question at hand; the Internet killed the video star, that's for sure. But now for the "why?" In my opinion, television died with it's eyes open, because it definitely deserved that isht. There are striking parallels between the decline in music (especially hip-hop) and the decline in quality television. It all stems from some corporate executive guy (or woman; Ask a Robot is an equal opportunity site) that decided that they can get people to accept anything, provided they shove it down the viewers/listeners throats. And that's what happened; just as skilled rappers and singers slowly lost their relevance to people with tawdry affairs, perfect features and media circus lifestyles instead of talent, TV shows with substance and quality writing lost their footing in the tidal wave of reality television shows. As descendants of the Real World, all of these shows adopt mantra; force people with contrasting lifestyles (there's always one gay guy or lesbian) and backgrounds (there's always one Black or Hispanic person) to be together in front of a camera, and just let the sparks fly. I remember hearing, I believe in 9th or 10th grade, that there would be one hundred reality shows on at any given time in the next 5 years. That was actually seven or six years ago, but it totally came true; do me a favor, and scroll through the channels at any given point in the day; you'll find at least fifteen RS's. This flooding of the market with reality shows with little to no actual depth (see: Amish in the City) was quite successful for a while, and the best thing about it? No need to pay actors every week; granted, there's always some $100,000 prize at the end for someone, which seems like a lot of money to your regular Joe (or Jane) Schmo, but in comparison to what they would have to pay ANY normal actor? A small sacrifice (The entire cast of Friends, in their last season, made $1,000,000 per episode. [I know it was an iconic show, and had longevity and all that, but even shows that have only proven to be a hit for one season have to jack up the salaries of the main players]). No need to hire writers to create dialogue; just let them have at it in front of the camera. The best part is, that "grand prize" only has to go to one person; the rest of the people, no matter how entertaining, don't get anything. A brilliant money making scheme, but there was only one problem; people started to get sick of it.

I have done absolutely no research on this subject, but I estimate that television viewing is at an all time low. Its like that era in pop music, like the late 90s, early 2000s, when people no one had ever heard of mysteriously went triple platinum off the strength of one or two singles. That also worked for a while, until the whole P2P file sharing thing came about. Then you could really decide what kind of music you want, without having to shell out 17 bones to have the one song you actually liked and another hour worth of music you never listen to again. Now, if you're an artist, you're lucky to go platinum at all; and don't come with any BS, lest you pull a MIMS. The point is, the internet puts the control back with the viewer; I don't have to find shows to occupy my boring Friday night in, I can just look at archival episodes of shows on hulu or dailymotion; or watch another internets celebrity making an ass out of themselves (for free!) in a viral video. And, seriously, all the porn I could ever need. It's ridiculous, the sheer amount of porn available. Just when I thought the state of TV couldn't get any worse, apparently the government is forcing people to buy brand new digital televisions, as if we aren't in a recession, or people have actually seen digital TV. I figure to hell with that, I'll just stick with my 17-inch (nhjic); after all, I do have TrueColor. Like I said, TV is dead. Or at least brain dead.

*The asterisk is for those annoying banner ads you can't close out that make a crapload of noise, like the smileys that say "Hello?!?!" or the one woman who, for whatever reason, sounds like she's talking via the drive-thru window at Burger King to tell you you've won something. God I hate those.