...I mean it. After careful analysis of his lyrics (hearing a few songs) I've noticed some things that, I feel, are crucial to your success as the greatest rapper alive.
1. Use allusions to genitalia or STD's as frequently as you can in your similes and metaphors. Crude = Good.
"I keep p*ssy running like a faucet."
"I'm a venereal disease like a menstrual bleed."
"Swagger tighter than a yeast infection."
"My flow is nasty, like C Y Phillis."
That last one segues nicely into my next tip, which actually
has two parts.
2a. Pronounce/spell words however the hell you want. This
helps out tremendously if you have a non-existent rhyme scheme...
"Young Carter, darlin', understand I am Michael Jardin Barlin."
2b. After you make your mistake, you can always correct it yourself. This makes you look smart.
"I am so far from the o-tharrs - i meant others."
"Feet up, like parapalegia- or paraplegic."3. Make fun of disabled or handicapped people. They don't matter.
"I have no brain, I'm retarded."
"...she tell her blind bitch, and she say 'I gotta see.'"
"...she tell her blind bitch, and she say 'I gotta see.'"
"I'm spittin' like a retard."
"I'm insane, I need a shrink."
"My world is different, like Dwayne Wayne."
"We are not the same, I am a Martian."
"I'm so far ahead of these suckers, I'm a have to start rappin' in numbers."
5. Lastly, reassure people of your own homophobia, by using slightly homoerotic lines and
saying "no homo"...
"No homo." (Beginning of Lollipop)
"Feed me, feed me, feed me!!! No homo."
"I got money out the ass, no homo."
...then confuse your fans by also saying blatantly gay things, and NOT saying "no homo."
"Damn right, I kissed my daddy."
"You don't like it? N*gga f*ck you no vaseline."
"I got a b*tch with a mouth like that boy Ken Griffey."
Optional: Laugh at the absurdity of your raps, in the middle of your line, if necessary;
"No homo." (Beginning of Lollipop)
"Feed me, feed me, feed me!!! No homo."
"I got money out the ass, no homo."
...then confuse your fans by also saying blatantly gay things, and NOT saying "no homo."
"Damn right, I kissed my daddy."
"You don't like it? N*gga f*ck you no vaseline."
"I got a b*tch with a mouth like that boy Ken Griffey."
Optional: Laugh at the absurdity of your raps, in the middle of your line, if necessary;
people will call it "swag," and then you will cement your status as the best rapper ever.
"Tell them coppers HAHAHAHA you can't catch him you can't stop him."
Add a Syrup-induced drawl that makes it impossible for people to understand what you say,
and the next time someone mentions BIG, Pac or Jay-Z...I think you know the rest.